Gosh, digestive biscuits are tedious, aren't they? In fact, they're the second most boring biscuit in Britain (Rich Tea and Hobnobs are in first and third place, respectively). I mean, come on. When I could have my biscuits covered with icing, buttercream, chocolate, caramel, fondant, jam, or any combination thereof, why would a sensation-seeking biscuit lover such as myself bother with something as description-defyingly dull as a digestive? The most popular are McVitie's Digestives, which, with the logo of an ear of wheat inscribed on their surface, bespeak a kind of earnestness that's quite hard to stomach. Indeed, their very name appeals to the inner puritan with its whispered undertones of bodily functions and dietary correctness.
And yet, and yet. There's a weird reaction that takes place when you stop thinking about it and just eat one. They're always what you wanted, they always taste of home. Feet up in front of the fire with a cup of tea, or 'All back to my digs 'cos I've got some biccies in'. Ground up to make a base for a cheesecake, or topped with a slab of cold butter or a crumbly slice of Wensleydale. And the alchemy that occurs when a Digestive gets a slick of plain chocolate to become what I'll always call a Homewheat is nothing short of miraculous.
Millions of people seem to agree - McVitie's Digestives is the fourth largest biscuit brand, the biggest in the 'everyday' category, and worth some £29m annually. A far cry, naturally, from its beginnings, when it was invented in Scotland in 1839 by two doctors (possibly rather puritanical themselves), eager to come up with a health food that would aid digestion - it's the bicarbonate of soda, you see, that does it. McVitie's itself was an Edinburgh bakery founded in 1830 by one Robert McVitie. Some 110 years ago, the bakery developed its own recipe for the biscuits and started to manufacture them on a huge scale.
They became massively popular - production transferred in 1910 to a factory in Harlesden, north London, that remains the largest biscuit factory in Europe to this day. The first chocolate digestive was baked in 1925, and named Homewheat (a name that has now been dropped) to distinguish it from the products of other biscuit manufacturers, who would sometimes, rather less patriotically, use imported wheat. Of course, it was milk chocolate, unfortunately, but you don't always get everything right first go, do you? And neither do I. Because I've changed my mind and decided that I think McVities should stop messing with its winning formula (this 'caramel' business is a case in point; clearly it's a step too far). No, take it from me: dull is the new interesting.